A Down Home Proper Kickass South Fork Wedding, Yee Haw!

Afton, Ray and Lucy return to the ranch!

Fracking!

Lesser prairie chickens!

Tonight promises to be a hot ‘sode.

I am glad that my biggest problem on this Monday is that Dallas and RuPaul’s Drag Race are on at the same time. For the record, I’m watching Dallas live and recording Ru.

Nicolas’s wife is introduced as a character. She’s sure to play a strong-willed, jealous, powerful woman who causes trouble and gets revenge on a straying man. I won’t commit her name to memory yet tho until we see how her plot lines shake out.

It’s established that Drew (Elena’s brother who planted the bomb on the oil rig that killed Christopher and Pamela’s twins) is hiding out at the Nicolas compound in Mexico. Drew has grown his hair out in a terrifically unattractive manner – clearly a sign of his conscience paining him.

Mavericks that they are, the Ewings don’t use iPhones.

Sue Ellen and Milquetoast Ann scrap over kicking Emma off of South Fork, and scrap over whether they should tell Pamela or not about John Ross’s cheatin’ ways. Until then, John Ross’s mistress and wife live under the same roof.

I know it’s the third episode in, but I should mention I’m glad they brought back the triple split screen graphics for the actor’s credits in the introductory montage. And that theme song! I hope someone won an Emmy for it back in the day.

John Ross – once again – plays with fire by antagonizing his live-in mistress on his wedding day. Well, technically he and Pamela are already married so I guess this is more like a vow renewal.

Anyone wondering why Sue Ellen is clutching that big leather clutch to her side so fervently? Of course it’s because of the leather clad flask hidden inside … who doesn’t need a shot of courage on the day of a family wedding?

When John Ross shows up for his meeting with the railroad commissioner (who controls his fracking fate) he finds Harris Ryland there instead.

In exchange for giving John Ross his fracking permit, Harris wants back the files that Emma stole from him. John Ross, always the ballsy one – gives a counter offer – Harris only gets one of the items back. He agrees, asking for just a flash drive. But John Ross has to deliver it somewhere.

John Ross has to eat crow with Emma to get the flash drive. She agrees to meet him.

Meanwhile, mother of the bride Afton and Sue Ellen start bitchering with each other.  Can you say bad blood, jealousy, resentment? Carlos the business associate is on board to help Bobby and Christopher suss out Nicolas/Joaquin’s secrets.

Have I mentioned that Christopher has a decent Spanish accent?

Is John Ross really that dumb to be seen kissing Emma in public in front of his apartment building? Is Emma that dumb to be played by John Ross’s sweet talk.

Elena brings N/J as her date – he and Christopher trade barbs. Christopher lets him know that he knows he is married.

Ray and Lucy, Ray and Lucy! I quite enjoy their cameo appearances.

John Ross shows up at a lovely mansion. Which turns out to be a swanky bordello. Harris is there waiting for him. He shows John Ross into a camera room where they watch the Railroad Commissioner is seen cavorting with a prostitute dressed in a dog costume. Now Harris has given John Ross leverage to use over the railroad commissioner. Which he immediately uses, literally barging in on the guy and his ‘doggie’ friend.

Christopher naturally is jealous of Elena being with N/J. She says that she believes N/J to be divorced – unclear if that’s true or not that she believes that.

Meanwhile, Pamela is impatiently waiting for her groom.

Afton taunts Sue Ellen about all the despicable things JR ever did to her when they were married. Sue Ellen fires of a great line, saying “for the record, the most despicable thing JR ever did was YOU.”

Then she sneaks out to the hallway for a slug of whiskey.

Harris tries to tempt John Ross with a hooker named Sprinkles. John Ross almost manages to resist, and is saved in the nick of time by Bum, who arrives with the flash drive.

It contains encrypted files that Harris extracts – his CIA file.  Someone misspelled the word “extracting” on the CG. Harris establishes that he knows John Ross is sleeping with his daughter.

N/J tells Elena (swears on the lives of his children) that his divorce is pending. Do we believe him? Man, he’s a sweet talker – “I’m married in the eyes of the church, but not in the eyes of God. My heart was never with Lucia – it was always with you.” She falls for it.

John Ross turns up back at South Fork, announces to Sue Ellen that the fracking is back on. She confronts him about Ellen. Says she won’t let him destroy Pamela the way JR destroyed her. John Ross smells the alcohol on her breath – undeterred, she threatens John Ross that she will tell Pamela. He is unbowed.

With such a large ranch, you’d think they would have invited more people to the wedding.

When John Ross shows up to apologize to Pamela for being late, Afton (MIL) gets in a good head slap on him.

Suddenly – perhaps too late – Pamela realizes that John Ross is a lot like her father, the evil Cliff Barnes.

John Ross, also a skilled sweet talker, convinces Pamela to forgive him. Or at least to walk down the aisle again. Her fake lashes look really good, BTW.

Emma is crying watching her lover getting married. To his wife. Whatever.

Is John Ross wearing a blue suit and everyone else’s is black? Christopher gets in a dig about how they married the same woman – yeah, that’s not awkward or weird or anything.

South Fork looks all purty all done up in lights and fancy chandeliers.

The menfolk are drinking bourbon and branch and they have some nice looking bottles engraved with JR’s name – merchandising opp?

Bobby complains to Sue Ellen that he has no moves left to stop John Ross from drilling South Fork – Sue Ellen, however, does have a move.

John Ross and Pamela take off in his convertible – to where, one wonders? Christopher has some awkward flirting with the off-putting ranch hand that he’s been flirting with. They share a kiss in the stables. Where it must smell just lovely.

Doesn’t stop them from getting busy in front of the horses. Cut to a scene of John Ross getting busy with Pamela. Then a scene of N/J getting busy with Elena. Then a scene of Emma being lonely … then Lucia showing up at N/J’s penthouse.

Aha, he was telling the truth about a divorce pending – Lucia however is not giving up without a fight. Ooh, girl, she’s going to cause trouble, I can tell. Yep, she is already threatening to tell the Ewings who N/J really is. And she reveals that she knows about him and Elena. How did she know?

Harris is summoned to see the madam of the bordello. Is anyone surprised that it’s Judith Light? Nope.

She’s looking younger every day – must be drinking the blood of Kristen Stewart.

Harris and Judith conspire to have information they can use against John Ross, whom they know is controlling Emma. In an elaborate planned set-up – they staged some photos that make it look like John Ross is having assignations with an underage girl in a blue dress – the plan is to acquire some shall we say DNA of John Ross to put on the blue dress so that they can frame him for having sex with a minor, and apparently his secretary is a double agent who is going to figure into the plan (and the dress).

The episode ends with scenes from next week’s ep, Sue Ellen versus John Ross – let the sabotage begin!

Ps – how long before John Ross figures out Harris is working for the CIA? What will his move be then …

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I estimate I’m about 5 years old in this photo and my brother, 3. We are as you can see, dressed as a cat and mouse. The occasion was Halloween. My mom made kickass homemade Halloween costumes.  (princess, crocodile, belly dancer)

Halloween

I remember that kitty costume, and the reflective stickers we stuck on it for safety (I’ve always been a safety girl). We reinforced paper grocery bags for optimum candy collection.

This photo was taken in front of our rental house in Bricktown, NJ. It was in a sort of isolated location on a main road, not really a residential area. Our nearest neighbor was a bank, so I don’t remember exactly where we went trick or treating.

My brother’s mouse costume was a hand-me-down – my Mom had sewn it for my debut in the Nutcracker at the Russian school that I attended on Saturdays. A grand dame named Nina was our instructor – in the old country she had been a ballerina, and even in her 70s she was still lithe and regal, firmly teaching us the choreography and yelling RAZ, VA, TREE – one, two, three in Russian – and stomping her feet. I remember well her bright orange lipstick and a black scarf holding her hair back.

At any rate, my brother looks a little dubious, or maybe he was just anxious to commence the candy gathering. It’s never too late to start planning your next costume.

 

TB39 – Day 8 Halloweenies

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Playing Chicken with the Ewings

Bobby drives a Mercedes. A nice one, but it feels like he should buy American.

Bobby assures Ann that she will always be safe at South Fork – yeah right, people wander in and out of that place all the time.

Whipped cream foreplay in the kitchen of a group house isn’t creepy or awkward – especially when Mom catches you peeping at the woman who is not your wife.

What is Emma to John Ross anyway, like a cousin by marriage?

Why does John Ross brawling with the ranch hands remind me of Justin Bieber being thrown into a Miami jail?

“Frack yourself” spraypainted in graffiti – good stuff.

Per Sue Ellen, “Cheaters are almost always liars too.” Yah think?

Why is Emma reading Moby Dick? Insert joke here.

Christopher goes to visit the Cryptkeeper, aka Cliff Barnes in a Mexican prison.

Cliff still doesn’t seem the least bit remorseful about having killed his own unborn grandchildren.

Christopher is truly dumb – he just got pickpocketed by a street urchin that anyone could have seen coming a mile away.

How long before Nicolas/Joaquin turns on la familia?

How long before Elena’s conscience gets the better of her?

Is Pamela playing Emma as much as Emma thinks she is playing her?

Gratuitous lingerie scenes coming up. We already got some gratuitous bathing suit scenes.

Leave it to John Ross to figure out how to blackmail the drug-dealing ranch hand that kicked his ass earlier that day …

Ann going to see Harris alone – bad idea? He’s not so worried about drug cartels coming after his daughter Emma, but he does get P-O’d when he hears John Ross may be shtupping her.

Sue Ellen uses some classic mother guilt trippage on Bum, trying to make him feel bad about not telling her the truth about John Ross’s philandering, not to mention JR’s philandering.

At one point, JR is referred to as a “philandering ghost.”

Christopher seeks an ally with a Mexican convenience store owner. He does learn that Nicolas Trevino is not Nicolas’s true identity. Fortunately, shop keep keeps a dossier behind the counter (no seriously) on Trevino.

Commercial note – there is a Dove chocolate commercial with footage of Audrey Hepburn made to look like she’s eating a Dove bar. I dispute that Audrey Hepburn ever ate a candy bar. Or possibly ever ate, period.

Elena goes ‘undercover’ at the gun range, flirting with the gun range manager by shooting the crotch out of a paper target.

Judith Light hatches a plan to ‘compromise’ John Ross. The world shudders.

John Ross flaunts his dalliance with Emma in front of Bum.

Bum (wisely) warns John Ross about Emma’s grandmother Judith Light.

Emma shows up in an emerald green merry widow – no doubt the same exact one Pamela purchased for their honeymoon – well played, Emma.

Sue Ellen’s plan worked, Bum appears on doorstep to confess that John Ross is shtupping Emma.

I’d like to remind Emma (and John Ross) once again to not mess lightly with Sue Ellen.

Why does a railroad commissioner grant drilling rights?

Well played, Bobby, by tying John Ross’s fracking plans up with the Sierra Club. Tho it does seem to trivialize environmentalism just a tad.

I like the chicken-cam. This episode, you’ll note was called “Playing Chicken.”

How many more minutes before the whole Elena – Nicolas/Joaquin thing gets sexual? Oh, zero minutes.

I always underestimate Bobby – he was one step ahead of Nicolas/Joaquin and his attempt to bribe/counter-bribe the witness who put Cliff away for shooting JR (Rhonda Simmons).  He also managed to get rid of the surveillance footage of someone stealing Cliff’s gun at the gun range in order to frame him with it for JR’s murder.

Hmmm, didn’t take long for Emma to get inside John Ross’s head, so to speak. He turns down monkey sex with Pamela who got all dolled up in the predictably emerald green merry widow … she of course will suspect something.

I now find myself rooting for Pamela, and I’ll be honest I’m a little conflicted by it.

Nicolas/Joaquin tells Elena there is something he has always wanted to tell her: “you kind of look like Skeletor.”

Oh wait, that wasn’t it – it was basically “I want you.” More salacious lingerie and sex scenes. Does this complete Elena’s conversion to the dark side? Do we really care? I never really liked her anyway.

Is Christopher really that dumb that he would get into an SUV with a bunch of goons? AND, he still didn’t even notice that his own damn wallet was missing. But now we know that Nicolas/Joaquin has a WIFE. Which is revealed just as Nicolas reveals his underpants to Elena.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned – which leads us to the previews for next week’s episode, with a gratuitous South Fork wedding, yay!!

See y’all next week, y’hear?

 

 

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This is the Throw Back 39 post for Friday, March 7, aka FMF – Fond Memory Friday. It might not catch on like TBT Throw Back Thursday but it’s worth a shot.

I was going through some old photos and found this photo that I love. It’s of my spouse with our late, great, dog, Java, AKA Java the Mutt.

Java the Mutt

This was taken in the spring of 2010, at the annual Washington Animal Rescue League (WARL) fundraising event at Union Station in Washington, D.C. I love this photo not only because I like seeing a man in a tux and it was a fun night, I love the way that Java is looking at Blake. She adored him, and we adored her. And spoiled her rotten.

By most measures, she was not a good dog. Stubborn, food obsessed, none too bright, flatulent. But there was something special about that dog that made her lovable and unforgettable. I guess she just had a good personality. A big personality. And a sweet nature. I had her in my life for 12 great years and there is rarely a day that goes by that I don’t think about her.

I’m glad we took her to the event that night – even though she was already older and slower, her once clear eyes cloudy – she spent the night snacking on gourmet goodies and being cooed over by the other partygoers, and being followed around by the photographers – who can resist a sweet dog with a snoot all speckled in white. We got to spend a special evening with her, and my husband came home with Milk Bone crumbs in his pocket.

You are missed, Java.

TB39 – Day 7 – Remembering a Dog

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Here is Thursday’s post, a little bit late, but I’ve been running behind my entire life. Remind me to ask my mom if I was born on time, my guess is no. But I’m also impatient so I might have wanted to get a jump on things.

Here is a childhood pic of me looking none too happy, my guess is I was impatiently waiting for something. Or maybe I didn’t want my photo taken, or I didn’t want to wear the balloon shirt that day. Maybe I wanted the white plastic poodle barrettes instead of the red bows …Or maybe I’m upset that my noggin is so big? We may never know.

Kid pic balloons

In my experience, everyone has at least one photo from their kiddom of them with a farbissina punim, or sour face. My husband has a photo of him on a camping trip holding a banana, with an evil look on his face like he has just been mightily wronged – we call that look “Banana Face.”

Those of you with kids, I bet you have some priceless pics of your kids with their best sour pusses. Here’s to the banana face.

TB39 – Day 6

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Technically I should have posted this on Wednesday, but I guess the memory is one of the first things to go as we age … at any rate, today I wanted the throw back the memories today for a tribute to the Jersey Shore.

I am proud to be a Jersey girl born and raised, with a childhood spent on the not quite pristine but still wonderful sands of the Jersey shore.

boardwalk

My family lived in Point Pleasant for a while, and we spent a lot of time there. This surprises non-Jerseyites, but you have to pay to get on the beach. Imagine a beach packed full of people on a summer weekend or a holiday – all with a little badge you have to safety pin to your suit to grant you access.

The smell of the salt and the feel of the warm, worn boardwalk and the rides and games are all still vivid. One of my favorite games was the booth where you got a little fishing pole and tried to hook a fish out of a running current of water, then you got to pick a cheap prize from the bottom shelf. This would later be a lesson in value – despite the fact that the trinkets cost a nickel or a dime (or less), they seemed like great prizes to a kid.

But my ultimate fave game was skeeball – to this day, playing skeeball is the closest thing I have done that somewhat resembles a sport.

skeeball_lanes

skee ball tickets

Getting a fistful of those yellow tickets and running over to the prize redemption counter was a sheer thrill. I can still remember the little plastic army men with parachutes, the Chinese finger traps, the googly eyed monsters to put on the top of a pencil. Stuff that today I would toss without blinking an eye but at the time, they were treasured tinkets.

The rides were also fun …

Pt Pleasant ride

And don’t get me started on the food. Giant triangles of pizza, buckets of french fries, Orange Juliuses, funnel cakes … I can still taste it all.

I haven’t been back to the boardwalk since Hurricane Sandy, it makes me sad to think about the destruction that took place there to people’s memories, homes and livelihoods. But I hope to go back soon – and if you ever have the chance, I think you’ll enjoy it. Just don’t buy a hermit crab – it never ends well for anyone.

Have your own memories of down the shore? post them in the comments!

TB39 – Day 5 – Down the Shore

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Overheard

OH: I walked past a man and a woman who were standing on a street corner near the U.S. Capitol building, looking at a map. Even though they were not speaking English, you could tell they were arguing. And I’m pretty sure I heard the guy mutter the word “nag” as he turned to cross the street, the woman trailing after him.

I guess nagging is universal. And a day spent tromping all over downtown DC can wear down the most loving of couples.

My favorite OH tho was some years ago on the National Mall. I was waiting for the light to turn so I could cross the street. It was a lovely summer day and the area was chock full of tourists milling around. A young couple with a baby in a carriage came up to me, pointed to the nearest building and asked me what it was.

Filled with DC pride, I said “Oh, that’s the National Gallery of Art!”

The husband turned to his wife and said flatly: “You don’t wanna look at no art, do ya?”

She shook her head no, and they kept on going.

oh well.

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