A Down Home Proper Kickass South Fork Wedding, Yee Haw!

Afton, Ray and Lucy return to the ranch!


Lesser prairie chickens!

Tonight promises to be a hot ‘sode.

I am glad that my biggest problem on this Monday is that Dallas and RuPaul’s Drag Race are on at the same time. For the record, I’m watching Dallas live and recording Ru.

Nicolas’s wife is introduced as a character. She’s sure to play a strong-willed, jealous, powerful woman who causes trouble and gets revenge on a straying man. I won’t commit her name to memory yet tho until we see how her plot lines shake out.

It’s established that Drew (Elena’s brother who planted the bomb on the oil rig that killed Christopher and Pamela’s twins) is hiding out at the Nicolas compound in Mexico. Drew has grown his hair out in a terrifically unattractive manner – clearly a sign of his conscience paining him.

Mavericks that they are, the Ewings don’t use iPhones.

Sue Ellen and Milquetoast Ann scrap over kicking Emma off of South Fork, and scrap over whether they should tell Pamela or not about John Ross’s cheatin’ ways. Until then, John Ross’s mistress and wife live under the same roof.

I know it’s the third episode in, but I should mention I’m glad they brought back the triple split screen graphics for the actor’s credits in the introductory montage. And that theme song! I hope someone won an Emmy for it back in the day.

John Ross – once again – plays with fire by antagonizing his live-in mistress on his wedding day. Well, technically he and Pamela are already married so I guess this is more like a vow renewal.

Anyone wondering why Sue Ellen is clutching that big leather clutch to her side so fervently? Of course it’s because of the leather clad flask hidden inside … who doesn’t need a shot of courage on the day of a family wedding?

When John Ross shows up for his meeting with the railroad commissioner (who controls his fracking fate) he finds Harris Ryland there instead.

In exchange for giving John Ross his fracking permit, Harris wants back the files that Emma stole from him. John Ross, always the ballsy one – gives a counter offer – Harris only gets one of the items back. He agrees, asking for just a flash drive. But John Ross has to deliver it somewhere.

John Ross has to eat crow with Emma to get the flash drive. She agrees to meet him.

Meanwhile, mother of the bride Afton and Sue Ellen start bitchering with each other.  Can you say bad blood, jealousy, resentment? Carlos the business associate is on board to help Bobby and Christopher suss out Nicolas/Joaquin’s secrets.

Have I mentioned that Christopher has a decent Spanish accent?

Is John Ross really that dumb to be seen kissing Emma in public in front of his apartment building? Is Emma that dumb to be played by John Ross’s sweet talk.

Elena brings N/J as her date – he and Christopher trade barbs. Christopher lets him know that he knows he is married.

Ray and Lucy, Ray and Lucy! I quite enjoy their cameo appearances.

John Ross shows up at a lovely mansion. Which turns out to be a swanky bordello. Harris is there waiting for him. He shows John Ross into a camera room where they watch the Railroad Commissioner is seen cavorting with a prostitute dressed in a dog costume. Now Harris has given John Ross leverage to use over the railroad commissioner. Which he immediately uses, literally barging in on the guy and his ‘doggie’ friend.

Christopher naturally is jealous of Elena being with N/J. She says that she believes N/J to be divorced – unclear if that’s true or not that she believes that.

Meanwhile, Pamela is impatiently waiting for her groom.

Afton taunts Sue Ellen about all the despicable things JR ever did to her when they were married. Sue Ellen fires of a great line, saying “for the record, the most despicable thing JR ever did was YOU.”

Then she sneaks out to the hallway for a slug of whiskey.

Harris tries to tempt John Ross with a hooker named Sprinkles. John Ross almost manages to resist, and is saved in the nick of time by Bum, who arrives with the flash drive.

It contains encrypted files that Harris extracts – his CIA file.  Someone misspelled the word “extracting” on the CG. Harris establishes that he knows John Ross is sleeping with his daughter.

N/J tells Elena (swears on the lives of his children) that his divorce is pending. Do we believe him? Man, he’s a sweet talker – “I’m married in the eyes of the church, but not in the eyes of God. My heart was never with Lucia – it was always with you.” She falls for it.

John Ross turns up back at South Fork, announces to Sue Ellen that the fracking is back on. She confronts him about Ellen. Says she won’t let him destroy Pamela the way JR destroyed her. John Ross smells the alcohol on her breath – undeterred, she threatens John Ross that she will tell Pamela. He is unbowed.

With such a large ranch, you’d think they would have invited more people to the wedding.

When John Ross shows up to apologize to Pamela for being late, Afton (MIL) gets in a good head slap on him.

Suddenly – perhaps too late – Pamela realizes that John Ross is a lot like her father, the evil Cliff Barnes.

John Ross, also a skilled sweet talker, convinces Pamela to forgive him. Or at least to walk down the aisle again. Her fake lashes look really good, BTW.

Emma is crying watching her lover getting married. To his wife. Whatever.

Is John Ross wearing a blue suit and everyone else’s is black? Christopher gets in a dig about how they married the same woman – yeah, that’s not awkward or weird or anything.

South Fork looks all purty all done up in lights and fancy chandeliers.

The menfolk are drinking bourbon and branch and they have some nice looking bottles engraved with JR’s name – merchandising opp?

Bobby complains to Sue Ellen that he has no moves left to stop John Ross from drilling South Fork – Sue Ellen, however, does have a move.

John Ross and Pamela take off in his convertible – to where, one wonders? Christopher has some awkward flirting with the off-putting ranch hand that he’s been flirting with. They share a kiss in the stables. Where it must smell just lovely.

Doesn’t stop them from getting busy in front of the horses. Cut to a scene of John Ross getting busy with Pamela. Then a scene of N/J getting busy with Elena. Then a scene of Emma being lonely … then Lucia showing up at N/J’s penthouse.

Aha, he was telling the truth about a divorce pending – Lucia however is not giving up without a fight. Ooh, girl, she’s going to cause trouble, I can tell. Yep, she is already threatening to tell the Ewings who N/J really is. And she reveals that she knows about him and Elena. How did she know?

Harris is summoned to see the madam of the bordello. Is anyone surprised that it’s Judith Light? Nope.

She’s looking younger every day – must be drinking the blood of Kristen Stewart.

Harris and Judith conspire to have information they can use against John Ross, whom they know is controlling Emma. In an elaborate planned set-up – they staged some photos that make it look like John Ross is having assignations with an underage girl in a blue dress – the plan is to acquire some shall we say DNA of John Ross to put on the blue dress so that they can frame him for having sex with a minor, and apparently his secretary is a double agent who is going to figure into the plan (and the dress).

The episode ends with scenes from next week’s ep, Sue Ellen versus John Ross – let the sabotage begin!

Ps – how long before John Ross figures out Harris is working for the CIA? What will his move be then …


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