Playing Chicken with the Ewings

Bobby drives a Mercedes. A nice one, but it feels like he should buy American.

Bobby assures Ann that she will always be safe at South Fork – yeah right, people wander in and out of that place all the time.

Whipped cream foreplay in the kitchen of a group house isn’t creepy or awkward – especially when Mom catches you peeping at the woman who is not your wife.

What is Emma to John Ross anyway, like a cousin by marriage?

Why does John Ross brawling with the ranch hands remind me of Justin Bieber being thrown into a Miami jail?

“Frack yourself” spraypainted in graffiti – good stuff.

Per Sue Ellen, “Cheaters are almost always liars too.” Yah think?

Why is Emma reading Moby Dick? Insert joke here.

Christopher goes to visit the Cryptkeeper, aka Cliff Barnes in a Mexican prison.

Cliff still doesn’t seem the least bit remorseful about having killed his own unborn grandchildren.

Christopher is truly dumb – he just got pickpocketed by a street urchin that anyone could have seen coming a mile away.

How long before Nicolas/Joaquin turns on la familia?

How long before Elena’s conscience gets the better of her?

Is Pamela playing Emma as much as Emma thinks she is playing her?

Gratuitous lingerie scenes coming up. We already got some gratuitous bathing suit scenes.

Leave it to John Ross to figure out how to blackmail the drug-dealing ranch hand that kicked his ass earlier that day …

Ann going to see Harris alone – bad idea? He’s not so worried about drug cartels coming after his daughter Emma, but he does get P-O’d when he hears John Ross may be shtupping her.

Sue Ellen uses some classic mother guilt trippage on Bum, trying to make him feel bad about not telling her the truth about John Ross’s philandering, not to mention JR’s philandering.

At one point, JR is referred to as a “philandering ghost.”

Christopher seeks an ally with a Mexican convenience store owner. He does learn that Nicolas Trevino is not Nicolas’s true identity. Fortunately, shop keep keeps a dossier behind the counter (no seriously) on Trevino.

Commercial note – there is a Dove chocolate commercial with footage of Audrey Hepburn made to look like she’s eating a Dove bar. I dispute that Audrey Hepburn ever ate a candy bar. Or possibly ever ate, period.

Elena goes ‘undercover’ at the gun range, flirting with the gun range manager by shooting the crotch out of a paper target.

Judith Light hatches a plan to ‘compromise’ John Ross. The world shudders.

John Ross flaunts his dalliance with Emma in front of Bum.

Bum (wisely) warns John Ross about Emma’s grandmother Judith Light.

Emma shows up in an emerald green merry widow – no doubt the same exact one Pamela purchased for their honeymoon – well played, Emma.

Sue Ellen’s plan worked, Bum appears on doorstep to confess that John Ross is shtupping Emma.

I’d like to remind Emma (and John Ross) once again to not mess lightly with Sue Ellen.

Why does a railroad commissioner grant drilling rights?

Well played, Bobby, by tying John Ross’s fracking plans up with the Sierra Club. Tho it does seem to trivialize environmentalism just a tad.

I like the chicken-cam. This episode, you’ll note was called “Playing Chicken.”

How many more minutes before the whole Elena – Nicolas/Joaquin thing gets sexual? Oh, zero minutes.

I always underestimate Bobby – he was one step ahead of Nicolas/Joaquin and his attempt to bribe/counter-bribe the witness who put Cliff away for shooting JR (Rhonda Simmons).  He also managed to get rid of the surveillance footage of someone stealing Cliff’s gun at the gun range in order to frame him with it for JR’s murder.

Hmmm, didn’t take long for Emma to get inside John Ross’s head, so to speak. He turns down monkey sex with Pamela who got all dolled up in the predictably emerald green merry widow … she of course will suspect something.

I now find myself rooting for Pamela, and I’ll be honest I’m a little conflicted by it.

Nicolas/Joaquin tells Elena there is something he has always wanted to tell her: “you kind of look like Skeletor.”

Oh wait, that wasn’t it – it was basically “I want you.” More salacious lingerie and sex scenes. Does this complete Elena’s conversion to the dark side? Do we really care? I never really liked her anyway.

Is Christopher really that dumb that he would get into an SUV with a bunch of goons? AND, he still didn’t even notice that his own damn wallet was missing. But now we know that Nicolas/Joaquin has a WIFE. Which is revealed just as Nicolas reveals his underpants to Elena.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned – which leads us to the previews for next week’s episode, with a gratuitous South Fork wedding, yay!!

See y’all next week, y’hear?

 

 

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